Nothing has been more psychologically debilitating in my recent years of writing than my inability to start writing for myself again. With the launch of this site, I’m glad to say that’s over.
The urge to start this blog began to really gnaw at me a few years ago. I couldn’t stop thinking, sometimes talking about ‘it’, or what ‘it’ could potentially turn into. It was weird because, unlike many other bloggers out there, making money online or being motivated to upload daily content was not on top of my list of reasons to launch this blog. Usually that’s what gets a person going these days, but not me. Nevertheless, here I am, and I suppose I better make the best of it!
“Brand thyself…” (the Internet marketing gods got in my head)
This peculiar voice, an alter-ego waiting for fruition, began infiltrating my thoughts. I’m still not too keen on it. Alas, this is my little corner of the web where making a solid first impression counts though, right? “Choose a theme, something that describes your passion(s)”, is what everyone suggested I do.
I drove some supportive friends up the wall trying to figure what this site would be all about (a futile pursuit). Some of us spoke rather professionally about it, having had our fair share of experience with content marketing, management, search engine optimisation…you know, the fun nitty gritty stuff that brings people awesome (or not) content.
Unfortunately, instead of appreciate and pay attention to the reason why I wanted to write again, I ended up dissecting the technical side of things and found myself back to square one.
It sucked the life out of my recreational desire to write. What had happened to the once liberating feeling of purging my soul into writing?
All I could see now was data driven tool bars and various metrics flying around screens, numerically ranking the converting power of the words I chose to use (or not). Not my cup of tea, but I can be rather good at it (if you ask me to help you).
Mixing business with personal pleasure? Meh.. not my thing. Unless you bring whiskey. Or wine.
It depends on the season. For now, I choose not to plague this site with thoughts of how to run a blog or website for the sake of business. If I write something here, it’s because I woke up in the middle of the night with a string of meaningless words itching to reflect the inner madness of my psyche in a meaningful way. I get to do that with poetry, prose and the Tarot.
Those are my tools. What are yours?
Tarot has a unique way of grinding one’s subconscious. Combine it with writing, philosophy, psychology and applied therapy, you’ll come to discover that there’s an entire world of discoverable personal truths waiting to be learned. This is a relatively new side-project of mine that I’m slowly unveiling and helping as many people as I can with. Hopefully you’ll stick around long enough to see it blossom here in a more creative manner =)
I’ve been writing since I was a kid but my passion to share started when I least expected:
Take away electricity, breed creativity
In October 2014, I wrote a personal poem for the first time since I’d left Beirut in 2011.
It was then that I realised I probably owed Lebanon’s notorious daily power cuts for being a vital source of my ‘awareness of being’.
There’s something about being forced to stop whatever it is you’re doing that serves as a strong reminder that having to stop or interrupt yourself is effortful in and of itself, perhaps even more than actively engaging in routine. It’s just a matter of minutes before you become flooded with thoughts you were most likely trying to avoid. Writing became my only outlet.
Even the hum of a refrigerator, when it stops, jolts you back into discomforting awareness. Only then are you made aware that you’d become deaf to the hum– well– acclimated, but could you tell the difference until that moment?
I tend to go off on tangents. I am verbose and have to learn how to “trim the fat”, something an esteemed journalist once told me. Clearly, I’m still working on that.
Yet, with every passing word and post, I grow further away from caring about the insecurity of putting myself out there in an unfiltered and uninhibited fashion. That is the strength I wish to achieve more of.
No matter how (in)sane, insightful, meaningful or ludicrous anything that follows here may be: thank you for reading, commenting, sharing and simply sticking around this little corner of the web!
I hope your visit gifts you something in return– a smile, a thought, or even a fleeting moment of familiarity.
It simultaneously pleases and terrifies me to see you here. Welcome!
If you’d like to learn a bit more about why I decided to call this blog and myself a mercurial maiden, check out this post.