Image credit: Oprisco
I have been thinking,
answering questions in silence,
in case a real one is asked
since my ears have never been more attentive than
when they’re waiting to hear the sound of your voice.
I’ve been playing with memories on my phone,
the ones that used to bother the memory on my phone,
quips as sharp as whips against my heart.
While distance whispered months between us and
what was out of sight became the fear of
everything on my mind,
dangerous conversations took front stage
acting out the roles of every insecurity
culminating from your self-fulfilling prophecy
that one day I’d walk away—wait,
nee!- or that one day you’d make me…
hold it- a cover up for the time you’d beat me to it.
Of all the ways to drive a person to insanity…
there are many, but leave us be
with time and silence to relive every word shared,
you’ll find that remixes in imagination can build
totally different scenes in which we are not silent,
there is no fear of word mangling, insecurity inflation
nor the ease of switching off reactions
as quickly as it takes to lock a screen.
So you’ve been right,
I have been thinking of things not said because
even though I’ve been sitting alone in silence,
I have had conversations with you on a plane where
we aren’t waiting to break tension through a notification
and distance is just a geographical construct.
I’ve lived worlds in my head, with you at my side,
never having to wait for explanations to unfold,
guesswork to be refuted,
emotions to be toyed with or
technology telling me my message has been read,
received, ticked off, pending an answer or none.
Insanity is just one interpretation of what can be commented on
the workings of an over-stimulated mind that has conversations with you,
to keep old memories going, all the while fabricating new ones
just in case you’ve chosen to erase or override
the parts of you I’ve always been happy to meet.
In the midst of this happening,
I’ve imagined you asking me how I’ve been,
and what I’ve been thinking lately,
to which my answer is one that always keeps you alive.